Aneka Info

But What Did I Know!

Many times I have heard parents say "Thank God my children turned out ok in spite of us". I have made the same statement, always with a lot of pride that they did so. Hardly ever do we hear a parent take responsibility for a child that did not grow up "ok". When I think back to the experience I had with three sons growing up, I realize how little I knew about parenting and I marvel that we all made it through to adulthood without too many disastrous situations scarring all of us forever.

It is my hope that this information will point to some core values that we can instill in our children as well as ourselves - values which will provide a protective shield to prevent them from being bombarded with distractions and temptations to become less than the unique, productive, creative, outstanding person that they were created to be. I could not impart this information when my sons were growing up as I did not understand enough about core values at that time, other than "thou shalt not steal, lie, kill, or commit adultery". So maybe this advice will help my grandchildren and your children in ways that we may not see the results for quite some time. When that happens, we can believe that we have done the best that we could do to smooth the transition from childhood to adulthood with our children feeling very good about themselves as well.

Does this mean that all children learning these core values will never experience drug problems, alcohol problems, crime, or become dysfunctional? Of course not. Despite the best teachings in the world, we all have the ability to make our choices. We can still choose to ignore the teachings, experiment with drugs and alcohol, or decide to undertake a criminal activity. However, we give our children the best chance to avoid these activities if we teach them core values and why it is so important to live by these values in everything they do.

I am sure that you can think of other things that you would like to incorporate in your teaching, and I encourage you to do so. Just remember the TV commercial which says "hate is a 4-letter word but so is love". Your child is going to learn more than enough about hate from other sources, so love must be the most important word in your home.

Value 1 - Your Creation

Do you realize just how special you are? From the minute you were conceived until the minute you were born, you were a miracle - a miracle that God created assisted by your Mom and Dad. There were so many things during that process that could have changed who you are. You overcame incredible odds to be here. You could have been a completely different person, but you survived the greatest struggle to be here and to be uniquely you. Just imagine finishing a puzzle in which all the parts had to be perfect in order to fit together to form this beautiful human person. Then to know that you were not a robot which reacted only to orders or commands of others, but a human being with the ability to make choices - choices which could determine what kind of a person you would become. When you are young, you will wonder whether you really have choices or not as it will probably appear to you that you are constantly being told what you can do and cannot do. Most of the instruction you listen to at this age will be meant to insure your physical safety - "don't touch the candle", "don't touch the stove" "don't put your hands in hot water", don't play around with electricity" - more don't and no's than you could possibly imagine. Unfortunately, parents are so concerned about your physical safety that many times they neglect to recognize the great importance of moral and ethical standards in your training to become a productive, happy, human being.

The awesome part of all this learning is that you will find out that you do have choices. When you are told not to do something, you can choose to follow the advice or you can choose to ignore the advice. Whatever your choice, it will have a consequence. If you decide to follow the advice, you can prevent a burn or an electric shock. If you choose not to follow the advice, then you will have to spend sometime recovering from your injuries. The choices seem to get more complex as you grow. Do I do my homework or do I ignore it? Do I get up in the morning so that I can get to school on time or do I want to sleep as long as I can? Do I go to bed at a reasonable hour considering what I must do tomorrow? Do I start smoking cigarettes or do I consider the consequences if I do? Do I start using drugs or alcohol because all my friends are experimenting with their use? Do I drive after I have been drinking? Do I ride with someone who has been drinking? Do I lie about what I am doing? Do I finish my homework? Do I do my Best? Do I continue to Learn?

Do I think it is my parents' responsibility to keep me from doing these things? Are my parents really interested in what I do or could they care less because they are too involved in their own problems? Are my parents doing all these things - smoking, drugs, alcohol so why shouldn't I do them as well? I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. It would be a wonderful world if we all had great parents whose life revolved around providing a great home life for their family, who provided a spiritual foundation in which the whole family participated, who attended all their children's school and sports activities, who refrained from cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. Unfortunately, most all families experience some problems which can range from small problems to problems of such proportion that we call them dysfunctional. But remember, those are their choices, not yours.

The GOOD News is that you have CHOICES

No matter what your family background, good, not so good or horrible, you have a choice as to what you are going to be. You can look at your family, say that they are a very good family, and you choose to take all the good things that you see in their life and incorporate them into your own. Or you can look at the same family and choose to do all the things that your family would consider destructive. On the other hand you can look at a not so good family, and decide either to follow exactly what they do or you can decide that you deserve a much better life for yourself. You do not have to make the same choices as your parents, friends, peers make.

The reality is that your life can be exactly what you choose it to be. I remember talking to one of my grandsons and asking him how he was doing. He answered that he was not having a very good day. I reminded him that he could choose to make the day a good day or a bad day - it was up to him. What an unusual concept! It is never the incident that determines the outcome - it is our reaction to the incident. How many times have you listened to someone relate something that happened to them years ago and they are still upset about the incident. Reminds me of a little boy that was getting ready to say his prayers at night with his mother listening when he asked his mother to leave the room. The mother asked what he had done that was so bad he didn't want his mother to hear. The little boy said "I can tell God and he will forgive me and forget about it but you would say that you forgive me but keep reminding me over and over again".

I have seen families torn apart because someone is still not speaking to someone else because of some hurt that happened in the past. Think about all the times when you have been confronted with a situation and thought that you didn't have a choice. You always have a choice. Just make sure that the choices you make will help to solve the problem, not to make it worse. Well, what happens if you make a bad choice? You can always reverse that decision as long as your first choice has not resulted in damage to your health that is beyond repair.

One of my mentors, George Zalucki, wrote an article called Self-Image and Success which states "Accept yourself as a child of God forever capable of growing and expanding in service to others and yourself. Accept the responsibility to become all that you are capable of becoming, committed to being "Awake" and "Alive" from this day forward. Your self-image sets the boundaries of your accomplishment. You are far more capable that anything you have accomplished to date indicates".

You can become anything you want to become if you want it enough and are willing to do whatever it takes to realize your potential. Take responsibility for being alive. When you were born, you did not hate anyone. You were excited about everything around you. You were eager to learn. You tried new things. Value 2 asks you to realize how special you are, what a miracle your creation was, and that your accomplishments will only be limited by how you feel about yourself. If you want something bad enough, you will find a way to accomplish it. If not, you will find excuses. I believe in you.

For Values 2 through 10, check out my next article coming soon which will be titled "Good enough is not Good enough." Thank you for listening and reading.

Kit Grazioli